Aku kekadang kan ingin sekali berbicara mengunakan
bahasa yang tak ada sesiapa pernah faham..
menulis dengan tulisan yang tiada siapa pun akan dapat membaca nya..
berpuisi dengan segala isi tersirat dan tersurat.,yang langsung tiada siapa
boleh merungkai akan setiap maksudnya..
menghasilkan novel dengan 1001
watak yg mengambarkan aku...
tapi tak akan ada siapa yang pernah menduga cerita itu tentang aku.
Melukis dengan lukisan yang mengandungi 1001 makna.
tapi hanya aku sahaja yang boleh
menterjemahkan setiap maksud di sebalik itu semua..

Monday, July 11, 2016

Im leaving again and again

Assalammualaikum

HI


Setelah dua hari ini aku rasa bermuram durja
tidur bangun aku asyik la scroll baca balik old text milik dia kat fb Bingung aku..
hmm
eh bahagia nya rasa aku dulu
ada orang concern really concern
call most of the day and night
really taking good care of me,
asking about my work journey
that time i was  really struggling with interview and all that
fell down on the street just because of went for interview
he really concerned of me that time. sharing most of the history background of me
even though that time i was really hide my self from everyone.


Hmm.
happy play games together.
and He become my mentor,
guard and guide me,
from anybody

And most of the team games know both of us.
as a couple
ahhh happy moment

But itu happy side
Just realized dulu aku tak berapa nak layan hati dan perasaan dia
most of the time when he started to talk about perasaan
im deny it
im interrupted with new topic until he bored and forget what he about to ask,.
hmm until he label me ?(tak ada perasaan)
hmm .

To be honest.,
Aku ada perasaan dekat dia
aku teringin nak menyayangi dia
aku nak hidup dengan dia
aku sudi untuk kahwin dengan dia 2 tahun lagi ( as per him)
hmm

but that time i was so careful with my heart 1000% extra careful
i cant just let him play with my heart
More over , dia curang dengan aku ?
 i dont know weather suitable or not  ME to labelled him as curang hahah
hmm
i hate if someone lied to me,
that what he done.
He lying.
hmm

he lied to me.
he texted with another girl.
and aa i dont wanna say much about this
but its really broke my heart
some more that  time my brother has blocked wifi.
I was unable to connect wifi
and got 1 time my pc cant on at all for long time.

that why we are apart

i think so..



Hmm .
but something has across my mind,.
i think have 1 issue that I was wrong sending the SMS.
im about to sent to my Friend but i was sent to him

about he putus tunang just because of me.
but i wont believe,
i wont believe it till now,

Ya Allah cuma satu je aku pinta kali ini,.
if dia benar benar jodoh aku satu kan la hati kami
hmm dia pernah menangis hanya untuk membukti kan dia tak pernah menipu aku
tapi hati aku keras sgt saat itu sampaikan aku langsung tak percaya


WHY i have to wait for  5 years to be contacted with him again ?
why ?
why before this he never came across on my mind
WHY ?
Why he didnt showed up in my dreams and my life.
why only yesterday ?
WHY ? *Crying

ada hikmah ke semua ini ?

im just missing him
that all.
i missed all our moment.

i dont put high expectation on u any more.

I just wanna leave that world . i dont want to turned back again
I leave you i hope you in happiness.
I dont want to make you disappointed again and again.




10 July 16 - Ahad

Assalammualaikum ,


Hi  ..

hmm ahad itu , tengah tengah pagi ahad, entah kenapa tidur aku seakan terganggu,
aku tetiba teringatkan seorang, dan bagai terbawa dalam mimpi.

SIAPA dia.
kenapa dia muncul lagi.
dan kenapa tetiba dia hadir semula. walaupun cuma bayang.

hmm..
aku jadi ingin tahu segala.
lantas aku login semua fb lama yang dah tersangat lama aku tinggalkan,
hmm,

walaupun dia tiada lagi dalam friend list aku.
tak tahu la siapa yang removed siapa,
hmm tapi aku dapat baca old text kami
sehingga 24 August 2011 .
yang lain aku tak dapat scroll sebab  crush. so akan jadi auto refresh
i was unable to read all the text.

but so mysterious and suspend.
what was happened between us,

Aku terlalu merinduinya sehinggakan aku add dia semula
tapi expectation aku gagal
dia tak berapa nak layan text aku
hmm

Awak
saya rindu awak,

hmm saya cuba bagi diri saya dua TAHUN. insha Allah
hmm i will fight for that.
will challenge my self.
insha Allah

" Aku tak ada story macam orang lain..
coz my life is very simple..
tapi aku ada kenangan dan angan2 untuk di kenang ;)
cehh.. macam tak ada life je kan. hahaha "
 

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